Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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