Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
