Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
