I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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