you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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