All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
