just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
