The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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