I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the condom got lost in my hair
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
