but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
