So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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