i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My balls are so social today.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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