Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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