he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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