It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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