Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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