She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
