when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
