oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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