Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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