her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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