Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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