if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
