i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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