Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
