I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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