stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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