Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
