I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
