Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
