i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
