pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
