No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
