It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
