I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
