You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
