Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
