After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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