if you like me you must not know who I am
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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