I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
