Don't make out with my wife yet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
