So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
