Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
