she was so not down for the gang bang
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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