I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
