dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
