I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
