Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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