if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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