So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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