My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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