Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
